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My son was born six years ago and with the excitement, and sleeplessness, and constant care, and breastfeeding it took me a looong time to realize that my foggy thinking, fatigue, low libido, and anxious thoughts weren’t from normal parenting tiredness. It really wasn’t until he was 2-3 when my husband said (after numerous angry outbursts from me) “you haven’t been yourself in a while, perhaps you should seek help.” I was angry and upset. Of course I wasn’t “me”! After two years of breastfeeding (I weaned him off at 2), constant lullabies and stories, diapers, food preparation, struggling to make money, a kid that shunned all naps, and being around him 24/7 because we couldn’t afford outside help and we didn’t have family to watch him nearby, my body and my thoughts weren’t mine. It was shared in this exhausting job, that seemed more of the same day after day. I swear there were days I truly worried that he would need rocking and singing and being walked around until he was 17.
I couldn’t afford to go to the doctor or see a therapist so I looked online (if you can, do go to the doctor, get real treatment). I found several post partum depression sites that spoke of Sam-e. I was super skeptical because I grew up in a medical household and I would have preferred to go to the GP with a real diagnosis. Sam-e is a molecule that our body makes naturally and is used to treat depression, fibromyalgia, and osteoporosis. Finally, I caved because I realized how miserable I was and bought a bottle from Amazon (after reading all the glowing reviews). I took it and kept taking it and I ran out and that was when I noticed the difference. The little mood swings, the niggling thoughts, the outbursts came creeping back and my husband said, “hey, are you still taking that stuff?” So, I went back on and life seemed easier. This isn’t a glowing review but it really helped. I was in a finer mood that I started exercising again and I just looked forward to the next day.
Please, please consult a doctor, especially if you are breastfeeding. I sadly feel like I missed out on the first two years of my son’s life, and luckily I have video for most of it, and I sit there and think “where was I for this?”. But now I try to make the most of our time together now, and the past has past but I am hyper vigilant for signs of stress and anxiety.